Growing In Silence

When the applause came, it did not feel euphoric or fulfilling as I had imagined. Growing up, I did everything to be seen. I danced. I sang. I rebelled. I obeyed. I spoke. I was quiet. I bent myself into every shape imaginable, chasing the approval I believed my existence depended on—and, for my younger self, it did.

Did it stop? No. It grew, like a shadow at the back of my mind, whispering of failure, swallowing me whole. The constant belittling of my achievements made it difficult to truly enjoy them. I worked twice as hard, yet was met with silence and indifference. My hunger grew; my throat burned for words of recognition.

I shared plans and ideas, waiting for agreement, waiting for validation. Some were stolen, claimed as theirs. Others were dismissed before they could bloom. I shrank. I grew smaller still. Everything I did for the applause earned me only coldness, and shame silenced me. I wanted only to be seen, to belong, to be heard.

And so, the silence grew—but so did I. I began to ask myself: Did I really need to prove anything? Did my worth depend on applause? No. I am worth something simply because I am alive. I starved that old hunger, broke the habits that chained me, and stopped seeking permission to exist.

I grew. I changed. I learned how to clap for myself. My milestones became mine alone, no longer measured by the noise of others. My own applause grew louder, drowning out the silence of onlookers. I rooted myself in the same silence I once resented, and from it, I found strength.

Now, I no longer wait for the world to see me. I see myself. I no longer beg for belonging. I belong to myself. And in that silence, I discovered the loudest truth of all: I was never empty. I was always enough.

About the Author

Abena Barnieh is a Year 12 student at ICS, currently studying History, Literature, and French. She is a driven and creative individual with a strong commitment to developing her skills and pursuing her goals. Abena takes pride in her work, embraces challenges that promote growth, and remains focused on continuous self-improvement. Always seeking opportunities to learn and make a positive impact, she brings enthusiasm and dedication to everything she undertakes.